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The Off-Topic Lounge

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Cocoa
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Re: The Off-Topic Lounge

#25881

Post by Cocoa » July 5th, 2019, 10:42 am

I have a friend that stayed with me for a week while she was on vacation for the past seven days and she just left an hour ago. This was the third year in a row she stayed with me. I had some fun moments, but mostly felt terrible because of how anti-social she is. I really need to call off our friendship. Although I am worried that she might get suicidal or do cocaine again if I break it up, but I can't take how toxic her personality is to me. She doesn't make eye contact, she'll make plans and then she naps for a large part of the day so we can't do those plans, she makes a bunch of messes, she can go hours without speaking and I am the one who almost always start the conversations, she is oblivious to many things going on around her, she'll play one player games on her Nintendo Switch she brought over so she can avoid talking to me (the previous year, she played flash games on her laptop for hours to avoid talking to me), she doesn't like going anywhere alone by herself even if it's a place I've already taken her to previously that is safe and easy to get to, she makes plans about having us eat out somewhere but then later I hear her eat something at my place without telling me so I'm left wondering if that was her meal or if we're still going out. Also, she blames her behavior on her childhood, but she's 30 years old and her childhood sounds less awful than mine, so that excuse gets annoying. Some things she says sounds very emotionally manipulative and I don't know if she's trying to be manipulative on purpose. We've talked about some of her problems in the past and she always says that she'll improve, but she stays the same. She even told me a few days ago about how she'll stop napping while staying here so we can do more things together, but then the following day she spends most of the day napping. Honestly, the napping wouldn't bother me if she tells me in advance, but she does it randomly and I never know if she's just going to do it for 30 minutes or 8 hours.

Also, I learned last night that people light (illegal?) fireworks on the beaches here in Chicago on July 4th. A pleasant view, but I really should go back and visit my homestate next year around July 4th because there are more options of things I can do during the holiday time (plus my dad always asks me when I am going to come over to visit...he's too lazy to ever come to the city I live in). Although I didn't feel like celebrating USA's independence day because of how terrible the government is currently doing.

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#25882

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 5th, 2019, 1:21 pm

I was thinking of changing my last name to further distance my father, especially because he was mentally ill when he came up with Yanthar. At first I thought of changing it to my old name Wasilik but he calls himself that now. Am now thinking of changing it to my mother's maiden name Kaczmarczyk.

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#25883

Post by Cippenham » July 6th, 2019, 6:58 pm

Read a book or read online Dale Carnegie How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. Self improvement books can work for some.

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#25884

Post by flaiky » July 7th, 2019, 3:03 pm

Cocoa wrote:
July 5th, 2019, 10:42 am
I have a friend that stayed with me for a week while she was on vacation for the past seven days and she just left an hour ago. This was the third year in a row she stayed with me. I had some fun moments, but mostly felt terrible because of how anti-social she is. I really need to call off our friendship. Although I am worried that she might get suicidal or do cocaine again if I break it up, but I can't take how toxic her personality is to me.
This sort of thing is so difficult. It sounds like she has real problems, and such people clearly need support, but those problems also make it impossible to have a good friendship.

I'm in a similar position atm. One of my friends, who I was really close to between age 16-23ish (we're now 31), has been increasingly struggling with mental health issues. She was always eccentric, but back then she was also loyal, compassionate and fun. Those good qualities have become harder and harder to find and she was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago. She's struggled with addiction and promiscuity and abusive relationships, the whole shebang, but she's impossible to help as she only gets defensive, deceptive, and manipulative. She has a 5-year-old daughter but can't seem to put her first and now Social Services are involved. For most of this year I've felt totally done with the friendship, but last month she started sending suicidal messages (something I had to take seriously as she's self-harmed severely in the past) and spent some time in a crisis house. I wanted to support her through this, so I began talking and visiting again, but now she's making some insane decisions that I won't even get into and...ugh. I have compassion for her situation, I'd hate to be in her shoes, but damn it's exhausting and there is zero reward. Do I give up, feeling like a shit friend and worrying that she will fall back into drugs and ruin her little girl's childhood, or do I stick it out at the risk of my own mental health?! There are a group of us trying to support her but we all feel the same and she is seriously pushing us away.

How long has it been going on with your friend? If it's only got this bad recently then there is still hope that she can get better. Does she receive any professional help? Because if not, you could assist with setting that up (everything you've written about her screams severe depression and anxiety) and then gradually fade away when you feel like she has a support system in place..or perhaps she'll show improvements, and you won't need to cut her out.
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#25885

Post by Cocoa » July 7th, 2019, 8:12 pm

flaiky wrote:
July 7th, 2019, 3:03 pm
How long has it been going on with your friend? If it's only got this bad recently then there is still hope that she can get better. Does she receive any professional help? Because if not, you could assist with setting that up (everything you've written about her screams severe depression and anxiety) and then gradually fade away when you feel like she has a support system in place..or perhaps she'll show improvements, and you won't need to cut her out.
Oh wow. That sounds terrible :( Good luck with your friend!

Her situation has been the same for several years. She has a doctor/therapist, but her therapist conversations are generally about another subject (she's transgender, so her conversations with her therapist are mostly focused on that. Her being trans isn't an issue that affects her behavior around me and I've known her years before she came out as trans. She has been transitioning for about 4-5 years now). She definitely has anxiety and I know she had depression in the past (which involved drug use and suicidal thoughts) and I wouldn't be surprised if she still has depression because she hates her job. She usually texts me every day on her lunch break to complain about her job and to talk about her plans for the future (and she usually doesn't attempt those plans). While she stayed with me, she told me she had an anxiety attack just thinking about returning to work.

I ended up telling her to not contact me again for at least one month while she focuses on her life. She said she understands, but who knows if that's how she actually feels. Her dream for the past several years has been to open a bakery shop and she has been telling me for several months about her plans to do it this summer by selling her baked goods at a farmer's market and by some seasonal tourist cruise ship area, but she has been procrastinating and still hasn't attempted to fill out paperwork for the permits. So I guess I'll learn later if she actually attempts her plans or not and see how she feels afterwards.

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#25886

Post by Carmel1379 » July 11th, 2019, 10:50 pm

Love you all ❤️
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Over the vast abrupt, ere he arrive
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#25887

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 18th, 2019, 3:48 pm

Been experimenting with cbd oil for my anxiety now that it looks like the bipolar is sorted out. At a .25 ml dose it helps with lingering anxiety but not confrontational. However when it leaves my system it comes back in full force. Not sure if it is worse or just feels worse by contrast.

Will ask my psychiatrist tomorrow for a referral, but if she refuses then apparently there's a way around it to get to the cannabis clinic here.

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#25888

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 19th, 2019, 1:59 pm

The art gallery here is actually cool. They had stuff by Joyce Wieland and Michael Snow. I even got this cup https://philosophersguild.com/products/ ... philosophy

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#25889

Post by joachimt » July 20th, 2019, 3:38 pm

Is there someone here with knowledge of old cars?

I'm digitizing old photographs and trying to sort them by year. I've got a series of photographs that is either from 1961 or 1966. On one photograph there are some old cars in the background. A friend of mine said one of them is an Opel Olympia. There are different types of that car. Can someone recognize which type this is, so I can determine which year this was shot?

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#25890

Post by Knaldskalle » July 20th, 2019, 6:32 pm

IMCDB is your friend! :)

To my untrained eye it's a 1956 Opel Olympia Rekord.

[Edit: To me, the car on the right looks like a Citroen DS. It had its nose redesigned in 1962, but I can't tell which version is in the photo, unfortunately].
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#25891

Post by joachimt » July 20th, 2019, 6:45 pm

The Citroen is hard to tell indeed. I found the same cars in another photograph from a different angle.

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Unfortunately the cars are all in the background of the actual picture, so they are out of focus and I have to zoom in.
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#25892

Post by Mario Gaborović » July 20th, 2019, 7:02 pm

It looks like a Autobianchi Bianchina to me.

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#25893

Post by Knaldskalle » July 20th, 2019, 7:05 pm

joachimt wrote:
July 20th, 2019, 6:45 pm
The Citroen is hard to tell indeed. I found the same cars in another photograph from a different angle.

Image

Unfortunately the cars are all in the background of the actual picture, so they are out of focus and I have to zoom in.
That's definitely NOT a Citroen DS. Sorry.
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#25894

Post by Mario Gaborović » July 21st, 2019, 10:44 am

Maybe is this one:

BMW 700 LS (1965)
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#25895

Post by joachimt » July 21st, 2019, 11:49 am

They all look roughly the same to me. If it's that one, the picture can't be from 1961.
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#25896

Post by 72allinncallme » July 21st, 2019, 11:50 am

The grill is different on Marios’ picture.

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#25897

Post by flaiky » July 21st, 2019, 8:10 pm

There's always a subreddit full of experts for whatever you need. Try them? https://www.reddit.com/r/classiccars/
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#25898

Post by Minkin » July 21st, 2019, 11:00 pm

flaiky wrote:
July 21st, 2019, 8:10 pm
There's always a subreddit full of experts for whatever you need. Try them? https://www.reddit.com/r/classiccars/
Yeah, don't underestimate the level of nerddom those car people manage to achieve. Driving around with my dad is a chore of listening to him trying to determine the exact year of production of some random old car that passes us on the streets. You think we're bad at our hobby, they have old car forums, meet-ups, and weekly pancake group sessions. You'd think they'd run out of things to say about cars that they stopped selling 60 years ago.

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#25899

Post by mightysparks » July 22nd, 2019, 8:05 am

Well, 6 months after requesting an appointment for the genetic testing for the genetic leg disease my family has I got my results today; and I have it :( there’s no way of knowing when it’ll start, how bad it’ll be or anything. I just know I have no symptoms now so I probably have 5-10 years of good legs left but it could be less or could be more. Gotta get all my outdoorsy adventures in soon I guess.
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#25900

Post by maxwelldeux » July 22nd, 2019, 6:13 pm

Well, that sucks, and I'm sorry you got bad news. But at least you know now - time to take up your world-class career in tap dancing! :lol:

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#25901

Post by Lammetje » July 22nd, 2019, 8:35 pm

mightysparks wrote:
July 22nd, 2019, 8:05 am
Well, 6 months after requesting an appointment for the genetic testing for the genetic leg disease my family has I got my results today; and I have it :( there’s no way of knowing when it’ll start, how bad it’ll be or anything. I just know I have no symptoms now so I probably have 5-10 years of good legs left but it could be less or could be more. Gotta get all my outdoorsy adventures in soon I guess.
That sucks donkey balls. :hug: Have fun with your legs while they last!
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#25902

Post by mightysparks » July 23rd, 2019, 1:05 am

Yea I had to try not to cry when I was leaving the hospital but my boyfriend met up with me afterwards and we talked about it a bit which made me feel a bit better. Still sad about it but I’ve assumed I’d get it since I was a kid. The disease kills the muscles and nerves in your toes and works its way up your body. Lose feeling in your toes and legs, get random stabbing pains, always have cold feet, legs will probably get misshapen. Won’t be able to drive probably in 30 years, and won’t be able to walk without a cane so it sucks a bit. But as I said to my boyfriend it just means I’ll have to spend more time playing video games and watching movies :P
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#25903

Post by Coryn » July 23rd, 2019, 9:46 pm

Are there any famous people on ICM, ?
Is Verhoeven on ICM = Paul Verhoeven ?

Just curious
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#25904

Post by blocho » July 23rd, 2019, 11:57 pm

He's denied it a few times, but I still think there's a non-zero chance that JoachimT is Joachim Trier, the film director.

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#25905

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 24th, 2019, 3:19 am

XxXApathy420XxX wrote:
July 18th, 2019, 3:48 pm
Been experimenting with cbd oil for my anxiety now that it looks like the bipolar is sorted out. At a .25 ml dose it helps with lingering anxiety but not confrontational. However when it leaves my system it comes back in full force. Not sure if it is worse or just feels worse by contrast.

Will ask my psychiatrist tomorrow for a referral, but if she refuses then apparently there's a way around it to get to the cannabis clinic here.
Increased it to 0.5 ml and it seems to work after a week. I can utilize my cbd training for anxiety instead of being overwhelmed. I feel more emotive and alive now too. This seems to be the perfect med! My doctor is referring me to a clinic too so that I can get a prescription just in case the conservatives win and make it illegal again (the leader said he wants to do that). I honestly feel like I can work again. I'm still gonna take baby steps though. I found a volunteer opportunity for a charity to do some data entry a few hours a week. I think that's a good start.

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#25906

Post by mightysparks » July 24th, 2019, 3:47 am

This is why I hate weed being illegal, damn you lucky Canadians. My anxiety has only gotten worse since I quit smoking, and if it became legal here tomorrow I would start again. I barely leave the house and I'm too scared to get a 'real' job because the anxiety makes me too unreliable. Weed wouldn't fix the anxiety completely, but it would make it easier for me to function. My brother has a vape and used to get CBD oil until he was flagged by customs and can't get it anymore lol, but I used his vape a couple of times and CBD is just as good as weed, maybe better in helping me relax.
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#25907

Post by maxwelldeux » July 24th, 2019, 5:30 am

blocho wrote:
July 23rd, 2019, 11:57 pm
He's denied it a few times, but I still think there's a non-zero chance that JoachimT is Joachim Trier, the film director.
I won't lie - I've had this thought more than a few times.

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#25908

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 24th, 2019, 2:59 pm

I even made a phone call today! Cbd oil is the miracle drug

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#25909

Post by Cippenham » July 26th, 2019, 8:14 am

CBD oil is legal in the Uk and i know people who benefit. I an happy for it to be legal as a conservative but not weed as i know it can ruin some peoples mental health.

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#25910

Post by Cippenham » July 26th, 2019, 8:15 am

XxXApathy420XxX wrote:
July 24th, 2019, 2:59 pm
I even made a phone call today! Cbd oil is the miracle drug
Its only another idiot on the other end. They are no better than you😃

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#25911

Post by Lakigigar » July 26th, 2019, 1:10 pm

I'm now in psychiatric ward. Suspected of having an eating disorder. I have a severe personality disorder, autism spectrum disorder and engage in lifethreatening self harm. That's my synopsis.

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#25912

Post by peeptoad » July 26th, 2019, 1:31 pm

Lakigigar wrote:
July 26th, 2019, 1:10 pm
I'm now in psychiatric ward. Suspected of having an eating disorder. I have a severe personality disorder, autism spectrum disorder and engage in lifethreatening self harm. That's my synopsis.
:( :hug:

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#25913

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 26th, 2019, 1:58 pm

The outside world will seem scary when you leave but don't worry it'll change. You're at the lowest point and it'll only go up from there. If it happened to me it can happen to you.

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#25914

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » July 28th, 2019, 11:00 pm

It looks like I reached the next stage in my first relationship after 8 months: My partner made us in The Sims 4
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#25915

Post by mightysparks » July 29th, 2019, 12:54 am

Even I haven't made my boyfriend and I in Sims 4 :P I've considered it but 1) I'm bad at making Sims of real people, and 2) It seems creepy to have them in game, especially as I need all my Sims to breed and we don't want kids so it would get disturbing.

I do have this nifty spreadsheet that I play with though:
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#25916

Post by funkybusiness » July 29th, 2019, 3:34 am

that's pretty adorable.

the sims characters, not the spreadsheets...
although I do like the look of those spreadsheets...

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#25917

Post by PeacefulAnarchy » July 29th, 2019, 7:11 pm

I locked myself out of my house last night. Today I got in using a credit card. I'm both relieved and perturbed. Self locking doors are the worst, you can lock yourself out without a key and they're really easy to bypass if you know what to do. Deadbolts only for me from now on.

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#25918

Post by peeptoad » July 29th, 2019, 7:23 pm

PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:11 pm
I locked myself out of my house last night. Today I got in using a credit card. I'm both relieved and perturbed. Self locking doors are the worst, you can lock yourself out without a key and they're really easy to bypass if you know what to do. Deadbolts only for me from now on.
Hopefully it wasn't some horrible temperature (hot or freezing ) outside when you got locked out.

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#25919

Post by PeacefulAnarchy » July 29th, 2019, 7:27 pm

peeptoad wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:23 pm
PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:11 pm
I locked myself out of my house last night. Today I got in using a credit card. I'm both relieved and perturbed. Self locking doors are the worst, you can lock yourself out without a key and they're really easy to bypass if you know what to do. Deadbolts only for me from now on.
Hopefully it wasn't some horrible temperature (hot or freezing ) outside when you got locked out.
It was night, luckily I had somewhere else to go to sleep for the night because I wasn't going to call a locksmith Sunday night. I figured I'd try to bypass the lock this morning before calling, wasn't really expecting it to be that easy. I tried lockpicking first but I couldn't figure that out.

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#25920

Post by maxwelldeux » July 29th, 2019, 7:40 pm

PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:27 pm
peeptoad wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:23 pm
PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
July 29th, 2019, 7:11 pm
I locked myself out of my house last night. Today I got in using a credit card. I'm both relieved and perturbed. Self locking doors are the worst, you can lock yourself out without a key and they're really easy to bypass if you know what to do. Deadbolts only for me from now on.
Hopefully it wasn't some horrible temperature (hot or freezing ) outside when you got locked out.
It was night, luckily I had somewhere else to go to sleep for the night because I wasn't going to call a locksmith Sunday night. I figured I'd try to bypass the lock this morning before calling, wasn't really expecting it to be that easy. I tried lockpicking first but I couldn't figure that out.
Yeah, it's kinda scary how easy it is to break into places...

On my wedding day, my wife forgot her wedding dress. Queue panic. Called a friend who was running behind, told her over the phone how to break into my apartment, and had her bring the dress. There was zero difficulty with that. Like it only took her maybe a minute longer than if she had a key, and most of that was walking around to the backdoor.

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