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The Off-Topic Lounge

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maxwelldeux
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Re: The Off-Topic Lounge

#25841

Post by maxwelldeux » May 14th, 2019, 11:57 pm

mightysparks wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 11:09 pm
maxwelldeux wrote:
May 14th, 2019, 12:17 am
mightysparks wrote:
May 13th, 2019, 11:09 pm


Nah we don’t really do that kind of thing. He worked and I was at home watching films lol. The usual.
Fair enough - I'm usually in the "let's celebrate this in some way" camp, even if we're just splitting a bottle of champagne or something. Of course, I won't tell you what I did for the second anniversary of my wife's and my first date...
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I married her - exactly two years to the day later. tehe
It’s weird coz 2 years seems like nothing but I guess it’s really what you do with the time rather than the actual amount of time (like age I guess lol). Getting married after 2 years would’ve seemed weird to me a few years ago, but seems reasonable to me now.

We’ve been living together for most of those 2 years so things have been more intense/sped up I suppose. But it feels like we’ve been together forever but also that we still have a long way to go. A lot stems from my PTSD and autism/schizoid/whatever; it took me about 6 months just to learn how to hug.
Oh yeah - this stuff is totally individualized. I mean, Wife and I married after two years, but we a) knew each other in college and had a friendship before dating, so it's not like we started from scratch, b) had both been in serious long-term relationship and knew what we wanted, and c) were in our 30s and ready to move to that "forever" stage. I mean, if my wife were hit by a meteor or eaten by a horde of cannibals in a mistaken shopping adventure, two years would seem unfathomably quick. It's all relative.

But yeah - it's amazing how time flies. I mean, I'm pretty decent at math, but people still need several chalkboards and a team of lawyers to convince me that the 1990s weren't 10 years ago. :circle:

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#25842

Post by mightysparks » May 15th, 2019, 12:45 am

Yea this November is my 10 year anniversary of icm. In a couple of years it will be 10 years since we started this forum :/ but in my head if I think 10 years ago I’m really thinking of 15-20 years ago.
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#25843

Post by maxwelldeux » May 15th, 2019, 2:00 am

There is this one magical week each year where the back of my house looks pretty because everything is in bloom at the same time. This is that week. So I snapped a picture, and now I'm sharing it:

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#25844

Post by fori » May 15th, 2019, 2:55 am

Nice garden! The place I used to live had an amazing garden, fruit and vegetables everywhere, and really great aesthetics. Hopefully I can own a property with a garden at some point.

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#25845

Post by maxwelldeux » May 15th, 2019, 4:33 am

Thanks! Our spring project has actually been to build a proper garden on the other side of the yard. We built the fence and retaining wall, then planted this past weekend. I'll post pics once things actually grow.

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#25846

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 15th, 2019, 6:55 pm

Seems like my estranged father found my facebook. He sent me this :blink: thankfully I can block people

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#25847

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 15th, 2019, 7:19 pm

I saw the facebook message... I did the mistake of telling my grandmother about the public therapy here cutting off contact with me. She must have told him. He said he called them and eventually stormed the office to complain to them about it. Apparently they're gonna contact me soon. I'd obviously like some free therapy but not like this. If they contact me I'll tell them that he needs help more than I do.

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#25848

Post by Lonewolf2003 » May 15th, 2019, 9:52 pm

Damn, that looks like something which could be found in the basement of supporters of Breivik and the Christchurch killer :down: :mellow:

Well, it can be considered nice of him he stormed their office to complain for you.

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#25849

Post by mightysparks » May 16th, 2019, 6:36 am

Got a referral from my GP to get genetic testing done last December, got confirmation for the appointment in January for today.. I went to the hospital this morning and they said my appointment had actually been rescheduled for July, but because I had moved house since the last letter I was never notified of the change. Luckily, they still managed to fit me in and I only had to wait an extra 30 minutes. I'd been stressing about this for months so I would've been pretty sad if I'd had to wait another 2 months. I show no signs of the disease now (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charcot%E ... th_disease) but I got a blood test done to confirm and have to wait 6-8 weeks for the results.

I'm the first one in my generation to get tested for it. Everyone on my dad's side of the family has gotten it so far despite it being 50/50. I'm pretty nervous about the results but there's so many things I want to do that won't be possible once it gets bad so I want to know for peace of mind. I was concerned about some discolouration on the bottom of my calves that I've had since I was 18 but she said she'd never seen that with any CMT patients so probably just a result of my pale skin. It's kind of scary waiting to hear the results of your future.
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#25850

Post by Cippenham » May 16th, 2019, 4:02 pm

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-m ... r-48292972

£4500 bottle of wine served in error 😀

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#25851

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 23rd, 2019, 1:15 am

The person in my relationship may hate the films I love, but I am getting a Kenneth Anger bomber jacket from them for my birthday which fucking rules.

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#25852

Post by funkybusiness » May 23rd, 2019, 1:27 am

nice

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#25853

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 27th, 2019, 4:42 pm

Work can drive me to suicide but I found one of the best job postings. It's a finance assistant for the company where I worked as a line cook. It'll have the most boring parts of accounting, but it's the stuff I enjoy the most. The pay is by far the most I'll have, I'll have benefits, and I'll most likely be in a union. I'm friends with the 2nd highest boss of one of the locations so he could probably pull some strings.

Think I should risk it and apply for it? Or stick with trying to get disability and getting better.

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#25854

Post by Knaldskalle » May 27th, 2019, 4:46 pm

XxXApathy420XxX wrote:
May 27th, 2019, 4:42 pm
Work can drive me to suicide but I found one of the best job postings. It's a finance assistant for the company where I worked as a line cook. It'll have the most boring parts of accounting, but it's the stuff I enjoy the most. The pay is by far the most I'll have, I'll have benefits, and I'll most likely be in a union. I'm friends with the 2nd highest boss of one of the locations so he could probably pull some strings.

Think I should risk it and apply for it? Or stick with trying to get disability and getting better.
I understand why you're torn, because I'm torn as well. Do you think it might be a good idea to run it by your counselor/therapist? It seems to be ideal work for you, but the question is whether you're ready for any work, ideal or not. I'm obviously not in a position to judge that in any way.
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#25855

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 28th, 2019, 7:57 pm

Decided to apply for it. Worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out and I quit again, I have my disability paperwork so I can just get them signed right there. I'll also have more evidence that I can't work at the time of writing the application.

I already have an interview for Thursday. Turns out working there before and being close with the boss was a huge advantage.

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#25856

Post by mightysparks » May 29th, 2019, 2:39 am

Was leaving the shop when I saw a guy I recognized from work there and realised he was in uniform, then saw one of my supervisors (the only one that I talk to). I walked up to say hi and realised they didn’t even recognize me in my normal clothes (I look a lot slimmer than when I’m in my ill-fitting work clothes so I’m assuming that was why), so I just kept on walking and got to miss out on an awkward social encounter. :party:
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#25857

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 30th, 2019, 3:49 pm

I'm not sure now. They made that job look really intimidating. Saying that it's always go go go and I'll have to skip breaks and maybe work longer hours. Also mentioned that I will get overwhelmed at times. Also I'm part of management so no union.

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#25858

Post by PeacefulAnarchy » May 30th, 2019, 6:03 pm

Is "finance assistant" code for cashier? Long hours maybe I can understand but why would a finance assistant job be go go go all the time to the point where you have to skip breaks? That's a big red flag for shitty business practices.

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#25859

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 30th, 2019, 6:16 pm

Apparently I'll have to boss around the data entry clerks and double check their work. Also have to bitch at the other departments of the company to provide the raw data.

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#25860

Post by Knaldskalle » May 30th, 2019, 10:41 pm

PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 6:03 pm
Is "finance assistant" code for cashier? Long hours maybe I can understand but why would a finance assistant job be go go go all the time to the point where you have to skip breaks? That's a big red flag for shitty business practices.
Having the company designate a "financial assistant" part of the management doesn't sit well with me either. It sounds more like a ploy to avoid unions rather than a position where real managerial decisions can be made.
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#25861

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » May 30th, 2019, 11:11 pm

Knaldskalle wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 10:41 pm
PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 6:03 pm
Is "finance assistant" code for cashier? Long hours maybe I can understand but why would a finance assistant job be go go go all the time to the point where you have to skip breaks? That's a big red flag for shitty business practices.
Having the company designate a "financial assistant" part of the management doesn't sit well with me either. It sounds more like a ploy to avoid unions rather than a position where real managerial decisions can be made.
Definitely sounds like it, but I'm honestly partially ok with the lack of a union. I was paid under contract before which meant no rights at all and no deductions. I don't care for managerial positions either. I'm more of a follower than a leader, and a micro kind of guy as opposed to macro. This has a pay that I will be happy with for the rest of my life too.

Some of this just seems like a red flag though. I didn't even get hired yet though so I have time to think about it.

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#25862

Post by PeacefulAnarchy » May 31st, 2019, 1:03 am

Knaldskalle wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 10:41 pm
PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 6:03 pm
Is "finance assistant" code for cashier? Long hours maybe I can understand but why would a finance assistant job be go go go all the time to the point where you have to skip breaks? That's a big red flag for shitty business practices.
Having the company designate a "financial assistant" part of the management doesn't sit well with me either. It sounds more like a ploy to avoid unions rather than a position where real managerial decisions can be made.
Nah, that's pretty standard. Such workers can form their own separate union, but it's normal for people in administrative roles *even if they're not actually management) in a company where the main workforce does something else to not be part of the same union. Not that I would trust most companies in this field to be fair when it comes to union rights, but clarifying that this role is non-union isn't a red flag.

Also "to boss around the data entry clerks and double check their work. Also have to bitch at the other departments of the company to provide the raw data." is a (middle) management role.
XxXApathy420XxX wrote:
May 30th, 2019, 11:11 pm
I don't care for managerial positions either. I'm more of a follower than a leader, and a micro kind of guy as opposed to macro.
Top level management is macro, but mid level management can be either depending on the role and company.

I have no opinion on whether this particular job is right for you, though.

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#25863

Post by Armoreska » June 10th, 2019, 5:24 pm

pretty fulfilling
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currently working towards a vegan/low waste world + thru such film lists (besides TV): 2010s bests, RW Fassbinder, Luis Bunuel, Yasujiro Ozu, Eric Rohmer, Visual Effects nominees, kid-related stuff, great animes (mini-serie or feature), very 80s movies, 17+ sci-fi lists on watchlist, ENVIRO, remarkable Silent Films and Pre-Code (exploring 1925 atm) and every shorts and docu list I'm aware of and
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=1434
and "Gordon" Liu Chia-Hui/Liu Chia-Liang and Yuen Woo-ping and "Sammo" Hung Kam-bo

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#25864

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » June 13th, 2019, 1:58 pm

You non-gamers should go to the what games are you playing thread to see what project I'm currently doing, and if you're curious to hear my voice which I just realized sounds Canadian as fuck.

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#25865

Post by Knaldskalle » June 18th, 2019, 11:58 pm

Wasn't sure whether to post here or in the cycling lounge, but I figured more people would see it here.

It happens from time to time that someone will ride a bike on the interstate highway on the shoulder. I personally think it's crazy because cars are going past at high speed (75 mph or 120 km/h) relatively close by, plus a lot of debris (rubble, fallen off treads, roadkill) makes it a place I wouldn't want to ride a bike.

Earlier today I was driving on the interstate heading South. I suddenly notice a guy on a bike (one of those with a milk crate on the rear rack) on the highway. Also heading South. Except he's in the Northbound side of the highway and nowhere near the shoulder, he's in fact in the passing lane right by the central divider. As I approach the point where he is a car passes him in the "regular" lane and he swerves over into that lane and at that point I'm past him and lose sight of him. I've heard of ghost drivers, but ghost bicycle riders? I dunno what the hell he was thinking, but it's not a good move to be bicycling against traffic on the highway when you risk getting hit head-on at 75 mph.
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#25866

Post by joachimt » June 19th, 2019, 7:13 pm

He could be under the influence of drugs or heavy medicine or something like that. My mother was picked up from the highway once by policemen, when she "accidentally" went running on the sidelane of the road. She couldn't remember how she got there. She used to take lots of anti-depression pills back then.
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#25867

Post by Knaldskalle » June 19th, 2019, 10:47 pm

joachimt wrote:
June 19th, 2019, 7:13 pm
He could be under the influence of drugs or heavy medicine or something like that. My mother was picked up from the highway once by policemen, when she "accidentally" went running on the sidelane of the road. She couldn't remember how she got there. She used to take lots of anti-depression pills back then.
Around here the answer is usually drugs. Crystal meth is everywhere and other drugs are not far behind. It doesn't help that we have at least one doctor in town who's very generous with his prescription pad (I'd lived here less than a month I was told this, nudge nudge). We used to have a bike store here where the owner refused to carry patch kits, because kids would sniff the glue (it contains toluene). I've seen parents sniffing lighter fluid when they thought their kids weren't watching...
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#25868

Post by PeacefulAnarchy » June 20th, 2019, 3:56 am

Knaldskalle wrote:
June 18th, 2019, 11:58 pm
it's not a good move to be bicycling against traffic on the highway when you risk getting hit head-on at 75 mph.
Eh, not in this guys case if he's actually biking in traffic (that's insane and illegal), but if you're on the side of the road it's safer to see traffic coming so you can swerve into the ditch if necessary than with traffic that is constantly passing from behind.

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#25869

Post by Knaldskalle » June 20th, 2019, 3:28 pm

PeacefulAnarchy wrote:
June 20th, 2019, 3:56 am
Knaldskalle wrote:
June 18th, 2019, 11:58 pm
it's not a good move to be bicycling against traffic on the highway when you risk getting hit head-on at 75 mph.
Eh, not in this guys case if he's actually biking in traffic (that's insane and illegal), but if you're on the side of the road it's safer to see traffic coming so you can swerve into the ditch if necessary than with traffic that is constantly passing from behind.
In this guy's case he was biking in traffic, or should I say against traffic. It was insane...
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#25870

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » June 29th, 2019, 8:50 pm

Finally on the high enough dosages for my mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic medications. My mind feels very quiet which is good, but I feel kind of lifeless at the same time. I always feel so tired like I didn't sleep the night before even if I did. I'm very dependent on caffeine now. I looked at the political thread during the election to see allison's funny meltdown, and it made me realize just how much more of a personality I had back then before I turned crazy, and how lively I was too. It's kind of depressing me.

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#25871

Post by nimimerkillinen » June 30th, 2019, 5:43 am

XxXApathy420XxX wrote:
June 29th, 2019, 8:50 pm
Finally on the high enough dosages for my mood stabilizer and anti-psychotic medications. My mind feels very quiet which is good, but I feel kind of lifeless at the same time. I always feel so tired like I didn't sleep the night before even if I did. I'm very dependent on caffeine now. I looked at the political thread during the election to see allison's funny meltdown, and it made me realize just how much more of a personality I had back then before I turned crazy, and how lively I was too. It's kind of depressing me.
it will come back but idk, for me caffeine and psychotic stuff is vicious cycle because they made that stuff much worse but taking neuroleptics ended up being unbearable so quit them last fall even tho had months before and months after psychotic stuff daily, its easier now since im on vacation. i slept often 12-16 hours and still felt tired too and ended up feeling im dying all the time, especially when going to sleep

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#25872

Post by Cippenham » June 30th, 2019, 6:06 am

For me you have to not worry about the past or what other people think about you, I mean literally not care if my political or other opinions are unpopular. I work in a business where I have to make decisions that are difficult and have to justify them in some detail. I invariably make the right decisions. The thing is to rely on intelligence and instincts as well as facts to be logical and factual , to not allow an emotional reaction . Once you genuinely don’t care what others think you can relax and are free to be yourself. You are still careful not to break the law or offend people but emotionally you are relaxed. If feeling stressed and overworked a little meditation and yoga helps. Thinking about other people the vast majority are probably less intelligent than you so why worry about that. You then don’t need any drugs or medication whatsoever. But when I do meditation and yoga I am conscious of the oneness of the universe and it’s a deep spiritual experience. This again completely changes your outlook if you are not previously aware of this. The other thing is to regard a lot of what goes on as absurd and a joke and look to find what you can as amusing, as that also requires intelligence. I like people or films or tv shows that are amusing almost without intention.

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#25873

Post by Cippenham » June 30th, 2019, 6:10 am

Once you don’t care what people think, as it’s them who have a problem not you , and have no worries sleep comes easy . Buy you have to be really self centred in a way to not care😊

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#25874

Post by nimimerkillinen » June 30th, 2019, 6:21 am

i guess it comes down to attachment, desire and aversion. meditation helps but gotta know first what its about
sometimes if there are so many problems, thoughts and emotions at once it can be very overwhelming

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#25875

Post by Cippenham » June 30th, 2019, 3:26 pm

Yes so I found alternative treatments if you could say worked for me as opposed to conventional medication

First time I tried yoga was from a book, just followed it exactly, had great help from that, then tried a class and they have relaxation at the end, before that did not even know how to relax, once you do it makes a difference.

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#25876

Post by Lakigigar » June 30th, 2019, 10:12 pm

Started self-harming myself this year.... have been inpatient for a few months, with pauses and no real solutions / therapy... Hopefully, this week i'll know more and i might go to a psych ward that could help me better, and in three / four months i might go to a specialized psych ward that will help me take care of my eating issues, depression and self-harm....

I don't know the extent of severity of my self-harm but i have had like 100 stitches this year. in total.. already. Both my arms and legs are full with fresh cuts. I almost lost my life two months ago when i did hit an arterie accidentally. I've never seen so much blood in my life on that day, I lost 2 to 3 liters of blood, passed away, and have no idea how i survived.

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#25877

Post by XxXApathy420XxX » June 30th, 2019, 10:17 pm

I self harmed before I was in the psych ward too, but not to the point of stitches. A good way to get around it is to use lipstick or red marker and use those to "cut" yourself instead.

Dunno how it is there but the psych ward is not really gonna cure anything. They will give you therapy, but the main goal is just to make you stable enough to leave. Going back to the real world is terrifying though. If you go to a specialized psych ward I assume those are a lot more effective. Good luck with everything. If it's depression, it will end eventually. I'm sure I had depression at the same time as my bipolar back then, and even though I had evidence as to how shitty I was, I saw the world at a new light, and my life is still pretty shitty now.

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#25878

Post by Cippenham » July 1st, 2019, 6:48 pm

I love myself, I think I am really great, I am fantastic, simply the best, better than all the rest, I can solve difficult problems no one else can and am always asked for help . I know a lot of things. That’s what’s it’s all about to really believe that. You are intelligent, look good, know a lot of things, should also believe the same. If you say life is good it becomes good. If you think you are great and better than anything like in the song, you can do anything. It’s about also living in the moment, achieving a small thing today and building on that. Also others need your help.

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#25879

Post by Lammetje » July 1st, 2019, 8:57 pm

I really hope they'll be able to help you, Laki. :hug:
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#25880

Post by mightysparks » July 2nd, 2019, 3:57 am

Woke up with a sore throat so took a couple cold and flu tablets before I went to work. Stupidly, I didn’t eat anything and assumed the job would be quick anyway if it made me feel sick. Lots of things went wrong with the job so it took longer than it should’ve... including me getting incredibly nauseous and throwing up twice. Finally home now and still not quite settled. Won’t be taking those on an empty stomach again...
"I do not always know what I want, but I do know what I don't want." - Stanley Kubrick

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